Pocket Problems

Kids lose stuff. They screw up. That’s how they learn.

When you’re the adult on the outside looking in, it’s frustrating as all hell because we can often see where they will make mistakes before they make them. We can foresee the problems and we want to stop them before they happen.

But there is only so much we can do…

We got our older son a cheap phone so he can stay home alone or take it with him when he’s riding his bike or around the neighborhood. He rarely uses it; it's usually in the kitchen with a dead battery. (He’s kind of like a unicorn; a tween who doesn’t care about his phone, do those exist?)

Recently, both my boys were out in the neighborhood together. I was texting my son’s phone and calling him to bring himself and his brother home for dinner. Forty-five minutes later, he still wasn’t back and I had to go find him, which I did– in the neighbor’s yard, looking for his phone.

This is precisely why we didn’t buy him a fancy expensive phone. He didn’t even know if the battery was dead or if the ringer was on to aid in the search.

To his credit, he was contrite and apologetic. When we finally, miraculously found his phone after searching for an hour just when we were about to give up, we debriefed on what each of us could do differently for the future.

I needed to be sure the “find my phone” feature was active and functioning on the family link.

He was going to be sure the phone was charged and had the ringer on. He needed to decide how he was going to prevent the phone from falling out of his pocket. He suggested that he would just hold his hand over his pocket when he was running. Clearly that particular gem of a solution is not practical or tenable.

The phone needed to be secured in some way that circumvented his need to think about where his phone was while he was running around outside, being a kid. He refused a few of the storage options I offered because they “weren’t his style”… This from a kid who’s ‘style’ rivals that of a rag and bone man.

Finally we found an elegant solution that secured the phone, didn’t disrupt his fashion sense, or break the bank. We found an outdoorsy rubber gasket that fits over his phone case and has a lanyard that clips to his pant loop or pocket.

So far, this solution has worked perfectly. No more lost phone or lost time looking for it.

The frustration I felt at having him lose his phone AGAIN was real. I didn’t yell or punish him, though I'm sure he knew I wasn't pleased, but accidents happen. We used this as a teachable moment and found a solution together rather than just removing the option altogether. We’re paying for the cell service after all.

Coaching working mothers is sometimes very similar to this sort of problem solving. It can actually be a little bit frustrating when I see a problem from the outside looking in and my client doesn’t see it as a preventable issue. They might be content to just keep holding their hand over their pocket to prevent the important things from falling out, but then they feel helpless to find those lost items in the neighbor’s woods.

When you are having trouble finding elegant solutions on your own, maybe it’s time to ask for some outside help. A coach can foresee the problems and help you stop them before they even happen. It’s all well and good to learn from your mistakes, but wouldn’t you rather prevent them when you can?

PS My son wears sports shorts, he complains like he's wearing a corset if he is forced to wear jeans.