Presently Disinterested

Geez, I hope that was never me.

There was a dad “playing soccer” with his small child. I use the term “playing” loosely because he was really looking at his phone while he absently kicked the soccer ball back to his son. He didn’t take his eyes off the screen for a moment.

His disinterest in any sort of real interaction with his child was palpable.

It would have been better if he wasn’t there at all, because all he was doing was reinforcing how important his phone was and his child wasn’t.

And he didn’t appear to be doing anything important, he was just doom scrolling from the looks of it. He just really didn’t want to be interacting with his child. Dang, that’s cold.

As I made efforts not to sit in judgment of this man, I thought of myself and if I had ever done this to my children. I’m sure I have. Although I’d like to think that I didn’t do it while I was actively ‘engaging’ in an activity with the boys…

But recently I overheard the boys say to one another, “Where’s Mom?” “I dunno, probably on her phone.”

Ouch.

(That time, I happened to NOT be on my phone, thank you very much.) But I know that I do spend a lot of time on my device.

My need to be on my device is for a large volume of things:

• for work emails and slack communications on the fly

• to keep up on my business socials

• to check the family schedule

• to look up hot lunch

• to set up playdates with the kids’ friends

• to read the countless emails from the schools

• to set up grocery pick ups

• to check how to spell a word

• to look up math problems for homework that I don’t understand

You get the picture. That’s just a short list. I have to use my phone to access the world. And most of it is for the kids!

What I don’t need my device for is doom scrolling and wasting time when I could be enjoying time with my family. (Or enjoying quiet screen-free time alone.)

Seeing this man with his little boy made me take a look at my own habits again. It’s a good idea to take stock once in a while. Trim the fat. How many apps am I using as a salve, tricking myself into thinking that I am interacting or engaging with others, or exercising my brain muscles?

The draw of social media is easier to succumb to when your kids are really little and you can’t truly have a conversation with them, when the days drag on and you’re tired of building yet another block tower or playing endless games of Candy Land. It’s easier to feel isolated and feel the need for interaction with adults, even if it’s through a veil of a screen. And once in a while it’s probably okay. But what kind of habits are we creating? 

Very few of us are exempt from using our devices for nonsense. The difference is how often you allow yourself to fall down that hole of mindlessness. How often the bright lights and satisfying colors and mild amusement keep you addicted and scrolling through for just one more fix.

And then we wonder where the time went or why we feel depleted and overwhelmed? We all know about the negative effects of using our phones excessively. Depression, anxiety, stress...

And yet we continue to do it to ourselves. It’s a necessary evil. But how much ‘evil’ do we really need to invite into our lives?

So the call to action here is to take stock of your own digital fat that needs trimming. Be a little more mindful of when you are looking at your phone when it isn’t even asking to be looked at. Notice if you are looking at your phone when you are “interacting” with people, especially your kids. They will notice, too. They will learn from this. They will feel the micro-rejection.

I plan to do the same and make an effort to be mindful about my device usage. For myself and my family.

I’m starting to feel better already.

Drop me a line and tell me how it’s going for you.